my posts are not for terfs. this blog is not for terf consumption. trans exclusionary radical feminists are fucking scum, and i hold no sympathy nor empathy for any of them.
This is for me to buy a house. I know that’s a lot of money but it since I’m jobless and still struggling to search and pay bills, I am scared I am never going to get away from here. And my abuser still lives in this area and I am terrified I will see him again. Going into base scares the fuck out of me. Leaving the house in a chance that I may see him scares me.
A house here isn’t as cheap, but paying rent is only going to complicate my life more. I know I’ll have to pay the mortgage, but buying a house is much better and allows me to also get creative with space and rooms. I plan on having space for me to relax and rewind away from my actual sleeping quarters because I want to separate those. And having space to rewind will help me. I also plan on having a roommate like normal, to allow me to have someone with me. It will also help deter any anxiety until I’m stable enough to allow for a pet. Which, in a lot of places here are not allowed for some reason.
Like I said, I know it’s a lot of fuckin money, but if you can donate $1, I’m so sure I can afford to get the hell outta here. I just want freedom. I want to leave.
I really would love to get out of here. My parents are emotionally abusive and I can’t take it anymore. I have tried playing the lottery in a desperate attempt to leave here. I still owe my parents money for my phone, my car, and several other things, and I can’t do this anymore. I’m at my wit’s end. I want out. Everyone who knows me that I have talked to about my personal life knows about my parents. I just want out. Please. I can’t take it anymore…
So there’s a known thing in the study of human psychology/sociology/what-have-you where men are known to, on average, rely entirely on their female romantic partner for emotional support. Bonding with other men is done at a more superficial level involving fun group activities and conversations about general subjects but rarely involves actually leaning on other men or being really honest about emotional problems. Men use alcohol to be able to lower their inhibitions enough to expose themselves emotionally to other men, but if you can’t get emotional support unless you’re drunk, you have a problem.
So men need to have a woman in their lives to have anyone they can share their emotional needs and vulnerabilities with. However, since women are not socialized to fear sharing these things, women’s friendships with other women are heavily based on emotional support. If you can’t lean on her when you’re weak, she’s not your friend. To women, what friendship is is someone who listens to all your problems and keeps you company.
So this disconnect men are suffering from is that they think that only a person who is having sex with you will share their emotions and expect support. That’s what a romantic partner does. But women think that’s what a friend does. So women do it for their romantic partners and their friends and expect a male friend to do it for them the same as a female friend would. This fools the male friend into thinking there must be something romantic there when there is not.
This here is an example of patriarchy hurting everyone. Women have a much healthier approach to emotional support – they don’t die when widowed at nearly the rate that widowers die and they don’t suffer emotionally from divorce nearly as much even though they suffer much more financially, and this is because women don’t put all their emotional needs on one person. Women have a support network of other women. But men are trained to never share their emotions except with their wife or girlfriend, because that isn’t manly. So when she dies or leaves them, they have no one to turn to to help with the grief, causing higher rates of death, depression, alcoholism and general awfulness upon losing a romantic partner.
So men suffer terribly from being trained in this way. But women suffer in that they can’t reach out to male friends for basic friendship. I am not sure any man can comprehend how heartbreaking it is to realize that a guy you thought was your friend was really just trying to get into your pants. Friendship is real. It’s emotional, it’s important to us. We lean on our friends. Knowing that your friend was secretly seething with resentment when you were opening up to him and sharing your problems because he felt like he shouldn’t have to do that kind of emotional work for anyone not having sex with him, and he felt used by you for that reason, is horrible. And the fact that men can’t share emotional needs with other men means that lots of men who can’t get a girlfriend end up turning into horrible misogynistic people who think the world owes them the love of a woman, like it’s a commodity… because no one will die without sex. Masturbation exists. But people will die or suffer deep emotional trauma from having no one they can lean on emotionally. And men who are suffering deep emotional trauma, and have been trained to channel their personal trauma into rage because they can’t share it, become mass shooters, or rapists, or simply horrible misogynists.
The only way to fix this is to teach boys it’s okay to love your friends. It’s okay to share your needs and your problems with your friends. It’s okay to lean on your friends, to hug your friends, to be weak with your friends. Only if this is okay for boys to do with their male friends can this problem be resolved… so men, this one’s on you. Women can’t fix this for you; you don’t listen to us about matters of what it means to be a man. Fix your own shit and teach your brothers and sons and friends that this is okay, or everyone suffers.
The next time a guy says, “What? You don’t want to be my friend?” I’ll text him this and then ask if he really wants to be friends or just have another potential girlfriend.
y’all I am living for these analyses where the new way to fight the patriarchy is to teach men to love each other and themselves
Im a communication student and can confirm the above is absolutely 100% accurate and it’s called agentic vs communal friendship theorized by Steven McCornack
This is very helpful for men and women, beyond the fight against misogyny. So my man is a highly evolved male, he and his buddies do share emotionally, but it’s important to realize this will never happen in the same way women do it.
Fewer words, less amount of time spent, and a higher rate of joking does not invalidate how guys may talk about their shit with other guys. It’s just different from female communication, and it should still be encouraged, right?
Women may need to become aware of other ‘red flags’ that a dude has misinterpreted the nature of their friendship (i.e., he believes all this emotional sharing indicates he’s a potential suitor, while she thinks it’s a deep platonic bond). Does he always try to pay for food, coffee, concerts, etc.? Is he always giving you a ride? Does he drop everything even in the middle of the night to be with you?
Ladies, you have a responsibility to strengthen your boundaries if he does. That’s more than friendship to him. He thinks he’s your dude; he’s not just ‘being nice’, he’s investing emotionally, financially, and with his time – all without having cleared the air with you, because he’s not good at expressing feelings.
He pays because he’s proving he thinks you are worth it. No wonder a twisted mind will assume you ‘owe’ him later. So think carefully about what you will and won’t accept from ANY TYPICAL CLOSE FRIEND and be sure to apply that boundary.
“Samantha, I noticed that your “fun-o-meter’ is stuck in the middle. Why is that?
“Well the robots are cool, but why aren’t there any girls?”
“Why couldn’t the long lost brother be a long lost sister?“
“And how are all their disparate technologies able to connect to each other?”
“Doesn’t like boys!”
“Doesn’t understand robots!”
“That’s”
“That’s not what I said!”
Damn.
Cartoon Network is getting too damn real
That’s pretty goddamn ironic from a network which cancelled a superhero show because it was watched by too many girls, due to belief that it’s impossible to market superhero merch to girls
I’m fairly sure that’s the joke.
(Also the network doesn’t make the show – people may not realize that Cartoon Network isn’t a giant conglomerate cartoon factory and actually consists of tens of thousands of individual creators, many of whom spend a significant portion of their day wondering what can we sneak past Cartoon Network?)
At least that’s what I’m like when I write for them. Zing!!
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